Down Past Appalachia

Day #1 Miles: 538

Day #1 States: 3 (Ohio, Kentucky, Tennessee)

First overnight. On the plus side, the roads have been pretty clear, traffic has been pretty minimal, and weather's good. On the down side, spending 8 hours behind the wheel of a car in one day is physically and mentally exhausting. 

Set out from the suburbs of Cleveland, Ohio around 11am after some last-minute packing and prep. Saying goodbye to everything was difficult (especially you, Mom!), and getting Link to pose for pictures was even more difficult, but you fall into the pace of driving and self-amusement pretty quickly. Some interesting road signs on the way down to Cincinnati definitely helped break up the monotony of the landscape. 

I think I have learned the most important thing about defensive driving: Always judge how close to drive to someone based upon how much duct tape is on their bumper. I also learned that no matter where you drive, you cannot escape Justin Bieber.

But the drive down to Cincinnati was really easy, and I got the opportunity to meet my friend, Dan for some late-afternoon Chinese.

 I realized that I've known him for nearly 13 years, and I don't get to see him nearly as often as I'd like to. 

He is also the only person I will see that I know for a little over 3 days. So essentially, I'll be going crazy and talking to myself. And possibly making some creepy new road friends. Truckers tend to be well-versed in culture, literature, and current events... right?

Shortly after seeing him, I crossed the bridge from the Ohio River into Kentucky.

Kentucky brought forth many wonderful sights. 

First, I passed a bunch of signs for Big Bone Lick State Park, which I have decided is most likely the Kentucky state government's nod to fellatio. After my road view of the meandering mountains faded into dark, I drove past the Colonel Sanders Cafe and Museum, signifying the birthplace of Kentucky Fried Chicken. I silently applauded for Lipitor and cried for BMIs everywhere. The next major road sighting was about an hour after passing into Tennessee.

As you all know on major highways, there are a lot of about 2 things: fireworks shops and adult superstores. Just outside of Jellico, there was a giant cement cross overlooking and protecting 'THE SOUTH'S LARGEST ADULT SUPERSTORE'. May Jesus be with you as you buy cock rings. 

But I'm settled down in Knoxville, Tennessee for the night. The woman at the front desk is morbidly obese with a mullet and called me "darlin". Time for some rest. Dear readers, yes, both of you, I leave you with a tidbit from a favorite childhood author, left adoringly on my Facebook wall by my Dad. Thanks, Dad. 

“The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.”

Excerpt From: J. R. R. Tolkien. “The Fellowship of the Ring"