Adrienne's ___________ Stew

Last night on the Twitters, I posted a picture of food. Not just any food, but food that I made myself. And I got 4 questions for the recipe. So I figured I'd write it up and throw it to the internet. 

I call it __________ Stew because I use the same recipe every time, but I just switch up what I put in it. It always ends up being hearty and warm and relatively tasty. And it makes a fuckton of food, so you get to eat it all week! So here it is:

Adrienne's ___________ Stew

(For Mad-Lib title, pick an adjective; for normal title, pick the two fanciest-sounding ingredients... we're classy bitches here)

Consistent Ingredients:

Canola Oil

Onion (1/2 a large white or yellow onion typically works well)

Garlic (I go with 2-3 cloves because fuck vampires)

Red Peppers (1/2 a large red pepper)

Green Peppers (1/2 a large green pepper)

Hot Pepper variety (jalapeños, habaneros, banana peppers... doesn't matter, go nuts). 

Vegetable broth (3-4 cups does the trick, depending on how thick or soupy you like it)

Pre-cooked beans, about 4 cups (Either cook your beans yourself, use canned beans - rinse first, or try Trader Joe's pre-steamed lentils). 

Inconsistent Ingredients:

Vegetables (Of your choosing... shrooms, squash, starchy veggies, root veggies, all yummy)

Spices

Sauce (Any kind of strongly-flavored cooking sauce to add flavor and "theme" to your creation. Pre-made curry sauces are great, Asian-type sauces are great, marinara sauce is lovely, pestos are great, salsa will work too!). 

Here's the gist of it:

In a big soup pot, add 2-3 tbsp. Canola oil and then turn the flame on at about 75% heat

Add chopped onions, peppers, and minced garlic

Cook, stirring occasionally, until the onions begin turning translucent

Add other non-leafy green vegetables, cook until soft

Add 1/2 the broth

Add beans

Add leafy green vegetables (Think kale, spinach, collards, etc).

Add remaining broth

Add sauce

Add spices

Stir a bunch

Bring the heat up until it's at a low boil, then reduce the heat down to low, and let everything cook together for about 30 minutes - 1 hour. 

Mine last night ended up looking like this:

Which involved adding lentils, zucchini ribbons, kale, mushrooms, and a jar of Trader Joe's curry simmer sauce along with a bunch of crushed red pepper flakes. It's pretty damn tasty, and with some brown rice, makes a great dinner that I'll be eating all week! (Did I mention that I poo like a rockstar?)

Here are some other favorite permutations:

-Cannelloni beans, asparagus, spinach w/ marinara. Finish with fresh basil and a sprinkling of parm.

-Black bean and sweet potato with regular or green tomatillo salsa. Finish with lime and cilantro, serve with avocado.

-Kidney beans and corn and greens w/ BBQ sauce. 

-Chickpeas, mushroom, zucchini, jar of pesto, top with sun-dried tomatoes

-Pinto beans, eggplant, carrots, sugar snap peas, jalapeño, soy sauce, peanut butter, a little sesame oil and rice wine vinegar, cumin, cayenne pepper, coriander, turmeric, fresh lemon juice, top with chopped cilantro and chopped roasted peanuts (think Thai peanut stew)

-Navy beans, baby corn, broccoli, cauliflower, snap peas, soy sauce, hoisin or garlic sauce, teriyaki sauce

-Lima beans, parsnips, carrots, tart apple, red cabbage, potatoes, mushrooms, string beans, a jar of gravy, a little grainy mustard + a little Dijon and a handful of dried berries. 

Basically, as long as all of the vegetables cook all the way through, and as long as you know that you like the flavor of the sauce you're adding, it tends to end up alright. 

This isn't "time to impress people" food. This is "what can I make that's cheap and relatively healthy?" food. Because honestly? Do you really think it's a good idea to eat a bunch of beans and then hang out with someone you're trying to impress?

Oh yeah. She ends with a fart joke.

Greens: A Definitive Ranking

Yeah yeah, I'm bad at posting regularly. When I feel like uploading photos and telling tales I will, okay?

Geez.

So I've spent the past month running and working out and doing stuff and running and working and working out and running and running and running. It rocks. However, this increase in activity has made me hungry like... ALL THE TIME. I mean, before it was bad because I have a tremendous capacity for consuming food. But now we couple a tremendous capacity for consuming food with a propensity to spend long periods of time doing high-calorie-burning activities and my appetite is rolling like a hipster on a bicycle. I think that half of the text messages I sent last night were about how badly I wanted ice cream or tacos, despite the three-bean chili, brown rice, and PB-and-banana smoothie I had killed 1 hour prior. I have been revisiting a rule I kept while I was training for my last race season: YOU CAN EAT AS MUCH GREEN SHIT AS YOU WANT, WHENEVER YOU WANT IT.

Broccoli before bed? Totally.

Green beans mid-morning? Hell yes. 

Mindless celery consumption? Duh.

Pre-workout peppers? Definitely. 

There's been so much going into my mouth one would swear I was a porn star. 

My excess veggie-consumption has led to three main side-effects:

1. Perpetual eating with little to no self-hatred or guilt involved. 

2. My poops are fantastic. Bathroom trips are bliss. 

3. I have a damn-near encyclopedic knowledge of green leafies. 

And so I present to you, in two categories: Cooked and Raw, a definitive ranking of greens from worst to best. May it well-inform your kitchen time and revive your love for everything you hated as a child. 

COOKED

9. Spinach - Spinach is amazing, but it wilts super easily, making cooking it a breeze. By far the best green to toss in with eggs, but unless its paired with something fatty or blanched to perfection, cooked spinach often gets a really unpleasant astringent flavor. Meh. 

8. Beet Greens - delicious bitter taste, but they don't stay fresh very long, and it dyes things a weird shade of light pink. 

7. Mustard Greens - blanch to mellow out the flavor, saute with horseradish for a whole lotta sinus action. 

6. Turnip Greens - Not as vitamin-packed as other greens. Pretty mild in flavor. Kind of a duller cooking green. 

5. Cabbage - When not cooked, cabbage contains certain chemical compounds (thiocyanate) that are goitrogenic - they suppress the natural function of the thyroid gland, interfering with iodine uptake. In order to break down this chemical prior to ingestion, cook it! Just don't do that cabbage soup diet shit. You'll just fart all day. Don't hang out near me. 

4. Collard Greens - Can't really be eaten raw, but stewed up properly is delightful. Traditional in Southern Cooking, these guys are best braised in fat. Delicious, porky fat. 

3. Rainbow Chard - Swiss chard, red chard, golden chard, go chard yourself. The ribs take forever to cook and are best removed prior to saute, which gets tiring. Not as good as kale, but it comes in lots of pretty colors. 

2. Sweet Potato Greens - So Good. Light and a little sweet in flavor, these are best cooked, however, because they aren't as astringent as kale or chard, they steam well and can be eaten plainly with a dash of salt, pepper, and some caramelized onion to enhance the sweet flavor. 

1. Kale - What's up Vitamin K.  Kale is super-trendy. But it's also reasonably tasty and easy to do things with. Braise with shallots in low-sodium chicken broth with a dash of apple cider vinegar, black and red pepper for a hearty, cold-weather side dish. Serve with sausage and crusty multigrain to use as a main course.

RAW

16. Frisee - It sucks. No one likes it. You pick it out of a good salad. They're like weird grassy balls that can't get their shit together and enjoy being choked down because one chef at some point thought, "Oh, that's pretty! We can add this crap to add volume to the salad!". Frisee is terrible.

15. Iceberg - You might as well drink water. There is no nutritional value here. 

14. Romaine - (A.K.A. Cos) High in water content and crunch, I've seen grilled romaine, I just don't get it. Not that high in nutrients, so it doesn't do much for you unless you have a cellulose fetish. Caesars are tasty, but otherwise don't bother.

13. Cabbage - If you don't have any symptoms of thyroid function, go raw! Red cabbage is my favorite, and cole slaw can be a thing of beauty. 

12. Red/Green Leaf Lettuce - As seen in the "Mixed greens" blend. Can you say "Bland"?

11. Escarole - A.K.A. Bigger endive. It's a bit bitter, and not my preference. 

10. Kale - Raw kale totally needs major ribs cut out, it needs to be well-cleaned, and it also is best massaged with a bit of olive oil in order to tenderize it. Fuck that shit. Why would you want to eat a green that's such a diva that you need to MASSAGE IT in order to get it to perform?!? Oh yeah. It'll make you live forever. Eh. Trade off.  

9. Dandelion Greens - Meh. Too bitter. Also, it's just weeds. Why? There's a reason why it's typically served with creamy cheeses, bacon, and egg yolks... it needs extra-fattiness to taste okay. 

8. Mesclun - (A.K.A. Mixed Young Greens) Typically means pre-mixed young greens. Often means arugula, frisee (THE DEVIL!!), radicchio (for color),  and young red/green leaf lettuce leaves. 

7. Radicchio - Bright red and bitter and spicy! It's more for looks than anything. A Radicchio-heavy salad needs a sweeter dressing.

6. Pea Greens - Higher in Vitamin C than like... anything except Strawberries. The shame here is that it doesn't pair super-well with iron rich foods.

5. Butterhead lettuce - (a.k.a. Bibb or Boston) superior to Romaine in texture, Butterhead lettuce leaves tend to be less rigid in consistency, making them work particularly well for lettuce wraps. 

4. Watercress - So high in antioxidants that it actually prevents free radical damage on your body that might take place during exercise. Its tangy flavor lends itself well to use in sandwiches. 

3. Baby Kale - Totally valid salad green selection. These pair well with fruit-driven dressings. Accent with almonds and goat cheese. Unlike it's fully-grown mother, baby kale has a similar nutrient profile, but because of its lack of maturity, no massage required. 

2. Arugula - Peppery and yummy. Doesn't cook well. The lettuce of choice for a BLT. Beats the shit out of romaine any day. 

1. Spinach - Pretty much the best thing ever. Super mild. High in vitamins. It makes an ideal salad, and since there's no flavor sacrifice, trading standard lettuce for nutrient-dense spinach is a clear choice. Also, swap spinach anywhere you might put lettuce. Put it on a burger instead of a generic green leaf. Add it to tacos - it tastes the same.