The Southwest Ambush

Day #5 Miles: 463

Day #5 States: 2 (New Mexico, Arizona)

Mileage Total: 2129

So here's the thing. I would love to keep writing and say that the Southwestern desert states are cool and exciting and beautiful. But here's the thing... they're dull as hell (please don't tell New Mexico I said that). As you'll see in the following words/pictures, if you aren't easily impressed with large rocks (and I don't mean jewelry), then my day's drive will seem rather dull to you. But I am a person that is easily impressed (which explains my last 3 exes), so I found the drive to be OK. 

Woke up in the desert. Shocker. Albuquerque during the daytime is pretty alright. I took a roll down the main strip and was pleased that for the most part, it's a non-chain store zone. Then, I really lost my shit. I BOUGHT GAS FOR $2.95 PER GALLON!! My god, it was so beautiful, I nearly cried.

Out past Albuquerque, the roads started to have that cool, glass-like mirage effect that you see in movies when the director really wants to rub in the fact that it's hot out. But it wasn't that hot out. In fact, it was only around 65 degrees. But somehow, light rays were refracted to form false images. It was pretty neat. 

Also in New Mexico... TORNADOES! Okay. Not real tornadoes, but dust devils, the small wind spouts, freckled the ground and landscape. I thought for awhile about pulling over and running after one to get a really good picture, but then I realized that it was probably a bad idea to chase a tornado. Everyone remembers the cow in Twister, and after my past few day's eating, I'm totally getting there. 

There were some pretty neat small town names. I stopped in Elephant Butte for some fuel and a restroom, and there was a guy across the street selling jams and honey, so I sprung for a jar. He had a few teeth. But he was very nice, and the jam samples were delicious, so I ended up with 4 jars of jam and honey. Meh. Gotta stock a kitchen soon enough anyway. 

But soon after Truth or Consequences, I started to wonder about the people living in these trailer camps scattered across acres and acres of desert. What would it be like to live in such a rural place? A place that might not have running water, telephone lines, internet, regular mail services, grocery stores? What do you do for work that you live there? How do you get anywhere? What if you run out of gas or get sick? I recognized that the only way to answer these questions was to get into a conversation with a hardcore redneck, so I've left these unanswered and simply decided never to live anywhere that isolated. And the idea of getting hit by one of these is terrifying:

Hatch, New Mexico, is also called the Chile Capital of the World, and you can see why. Racks and racks of racks of dried, angry-red chiles littered every storefront and market. I wonder if their bowel movements are as painful as their window decoration would insist.

Shortly after passing into Arizona, I was stopped at a US Customs checkpoint. They wanted to make sure I was American. I passed. 

I do not care how badly I have to pee, if the rest stop has more than one sign that says 'Beware of Rattlesnakes', I am not getting out of my car there. 

Another great sign advertised that the Arizona Centennial was last year in 2012. The state is only a hundred years old. To me, from the east, this is shocking. Something about America has this feeling that it's been around forever in my mind. Places like Pennsylvania, New York, and Connecticut are so old and have been states since the US was a thing. How can Arizona be just some shiny new toy of a state that's just starting out? And what about Hawaii??

The surprise of the day was a sneak-attack on my brother, Marshall. As many of you know, he lives down in Arizona, and I've only seen him maybe once a year for the past few years. So I didn't tell him about the route out West that I've been planning. If you've noticed, I don't post where I'm going the next day. It was all to keep it a surprise. My parents are out in AZ visiting my brother, so I had some co-conspirators. I learned that they were spending the evening doing some wine-tasting and then following it up with some dinner at Pastiche, a local upscale restaurant. I thought it'd be fun to just kind of... show up. Show up at some random restaurant in Tucson, Arizona and crash my family's evening and surprise the crap out of my brother and his wonderful significant other, Wesley. I even told him I probably wouldn't see him until April. 

It was awesome. I just walked up to the wine room and kind of looked around and he froze. Marshall just stood there, staring, holding the wine glass. I just kind of said, "surprise!" and then, as a family, we had dinner. It would have been a great moment to bust out some kind of clever one-liner, but I'm not that smart. He just smiled and said, "I got ninja-d". There is no greater blessing than having a badass, awesome, close-knit family... at least two states away.

So right now, I'm back at my brother's place outside of Tucson and I've met my Nephew-Puppy, Simon. He apparently has some eating issues, and I've been advised to hide my shoes.

Also, their bathroom has that neat chalkboard paint, so I've left my mark.