Adrienne's ___________ Stew

Last night on the Twitters, I posted a picture of food. Not just any food, but food that I made myself. And I got 4 questions for the recipe. So I figured I'd write it up and throw it to the internet. 

I call it __________ Stew because I use the same recipe every time, but I just switch up what I put in it. It always ends up being hearty and warm and relatively tasty. And it makes a fuckton of food, so you get to eat it all week! So here it is:

Adrienne's ___________ Stew

(For Mad-Lib title, pick an adjective; for normal title, pick the two fanciest-sounding ingredients... we're classy bitches here)

Consistent Ingredients:

Canola Oil

Onion (1/2 a large white or yellow onion typically works well)

Garlic (I go with 2-3 cloves because fuck vampires)

Red Peppers (1/2 a large red pepper)

Green Peppers (1/2 a large green pepper)

Hot Pepper variety (jalapeños, habaneros, banana peppers... doesn't matter, go nuts). 

Vegetable broth (3-4 cups does the trick, depending on how thick or soupy you like it)

Pre-cooked beans, about 4 cups (Either cook your beans yourself, use canned beans - rinse first, or try Trader Joe's pre-steamed lentils). 

Inconsistent Ingredients:

Vegetables (Of your choosing... shrooms, squash, starchy veggies, root veggies, all yummy)

Spices

Sauce (Any kind of strongly-flavored cooking sauce to add flavor and "theme" to your creation. Pre-made curry sauces are great, Asian-type sauces are great, marinara sauce is lovely, pestos are great, salsa will work too!). 

Here's the gist of it:

In a big soup pot, add 2-3 tbsp. Canola oil and then turn the flame on at about 75% heat

Add chopped onions, peppers, and minced garlic

Cook, stirring occasionally, until the onions begin turning translucent

Add other non-leafy green vegetables, cook until soft

Add 1/2 the broth

Add beans

Add leafy green vegetables (Think kale, spinach, collards, etc).

Add remaining broth

Add sauce

Add spices

Stir a bunch

Bring the heat up until it's at a low boil, then reduce the heat down to low, and let everything cook together for about 30 minutes - 1 hour. 

Mine last night ended up looking like this:

Which involved adding lentils, zucchini ribbons, kale, mushrooms, and a jar of Trader Joe's curry simmer sauce along with a bunch of crushed red pepper flakes. It's pretty damn tasty, and with some brown rice, makes a great dinner that I'll be eating all week! (Did I mention that I poo like a rockstar?)

Here are some other favorite permutations:

-Cannelloni beans, asparagus, spinach w/ marinara. Finish with fresh basil and a sprinkling of parm.

-Black bean and sweet potato with regular or green tomatillo salsa. Finish with lime and cilantro, serve with avocado.

-Kidney beans and corn and greens w/ BBQ sauce. 

-Chickpeas, mushroom, zucchini, jar of pesto, top with sun-dried tomatoes

-Pinto beans, eggplant, carrots, sugar snap peas, jalapeño, soy sauce, peanut butter, a little sesame oil and rice wine vinegar, cumin, cayenne pepper, coriander, turmeric, fresh lemon juice, top with chopped cilantro and chopped roasted peanuts (think Thai peanut stew)

-Navy beans, baby corn, broccoli, cauliflower, snap peas, soy sauce, hoisin or garlic sauce, teriyaki sauce

-Lima beans, parsnips, carrots, tart apple, red cabbage, potatoes, mushrooms, string beans, a jar of gravy, a little grainy mustard + a little Dijon and a handful of dried berries. 

Basically, as long as all of the vegetables cook all the way through, and as long as you know that you like the flavor of the sauce you're adding, it tends to end up alright. 

This isn't "time to impress people" food. This is "what can I make that's cheap and relatively healthy?" food. Because honestly? Do you really think it's a good idea to eat a bunch of beans and then hang out with someone you're trying to impress?

Oh yeah. She ends with a fart joke.

Greens: A Definitive Ranking

Yeah yeah, I'm bad at posting regularly. When I feel like uploading photos and telling tales I will, okay?

Geez.

So I've spent the past month running and working out and doing stuff and running and working and working out and running and running and running. It rocks. However, this increase in activity has made me hungry like... ALL THE TIME. I mean, before it was bad because I have a tremendous capacity for consuming food. But now we couple a tremendous capacity for consuming food with a propensity to spend long periods of time doing high-calorie-burning activities and my appetite is rolling like a hipster on a bicycle. I think that half of the text messages I sent last night were about how badly I wanted ice cream or tacos, despite the three-bean chili, brown rice, and PB-and-banana smoothie I had killed 1 hour prior. I have been revisiting a rule I kept while I was training for my last race season: YOU CAN EAT AS MUCH GREEN SHIT AS YOU WANT, WHENEVER YOU WANT IT.

Broccoli before bed? Totally.

Green beans mid-morning? Hell yes. 

Mindless celery consumption? Duh.

Pre-workout peppers? Definitely. 

There's been so much going into my mouth one would swear I was a porn star. 

My excess veggie-consumption has led to three main side-effects:

1. Perpetual eating with little to no self-hatred or guilt involved. 

2. My poops are fantastic. Bathroom trips are bliss. 

3. I have a damn-near encyclopedic knowledge of green leafies. 

And so I present to you, in two categories: Cooked and Raw, a definitive ranking of greens from worst to best. May it well-inform your kitchen time and revive your love for everything you hated as a child. 

COOKED

9. Spinach - Spinach is amazing, but it wilts super easily, making cooking it a breeze. By far the best green to toss in with eggs, but unless its paired with something fatty or blanched to perfection, cooked spinach often gets a really unpleasant astringent flavor. Meh. 

8. Beet Greens - delicious bitter taste, but they don't stay fresh very long, and it dyes things a weird shade of light pink. 

7. Mustard Greens - blanch to mellow out the flavor, saute with horseradish for a whole lotta sinus action. 

6. Turnip Greens - Not as vitamin-packed as other greens. Pretty mild in flavor. Kind of a duller cooking green. 

5. Cabbage - When not cooked, cabbage contains certain chemical compounds (thiocyanate) that are goitrogenic - they suppress the natural function of the thyroid gland, interfering with iodine uptake. In order to break down this chemical prior to ingestion, cook it! Just don't do that cabbage soup diet shit. You'll just fart all day. Don't hang out near me. 

4. Collard Greens - Can't really be eaten raw, but stewed up properly is delightful. Traditional in Southern Cooking, these guys are best braised in fat. Delicious, porky fat. 

3. Rainbow Chard - Swiss chard, red chard, golden chard, go chard yourself. The ribs take forever to cook and are best removed prior to saute, which gets tiring. Not as good as kale, but it comes in lots of pretty colors. 

2. Sweet Potato Greens - So Good. Light and a little sweet in flavor, these are best cooked, however, because they aren't as astringent as kale or chard, they steam well and can be eaten plainly with a dash of salt, pepper, and some caramelized onion to enhance the sweet flavor. 

1. Kale - What's up Vitamin K.  Kale is super-trendy. But it's also reasonably tasty and easy to do things with. Braise with shallots in low-sodium chicken broth with a dash of apple cider vinegar, black and red pepper for a hearty, cold-weather side dish. Serve with sausage and crusty multigrain to use as a main course.

RAW

16. Frisee - It sucks. No one likes it. You pick it out of a good salad. They're like weird grassy balls that can't get their shit together and enjoy being choked down because one chef at some point thought, "Oh, that's pretty! We can add this crap to add volume to the salad!". Frisee is terrible.

15. Iceberg - You might as well drink water. There is no nutritional value here. 

14. Romaine - (A.K.A. Cos) High in water content and crunch, I've seen grilled romaine, I just don't get it. Not that high in nutrients, so it doesn't do much for you unless you have a cellulose fetish. Caesars are tasty, but otherwise don't bother.

13. Cabbage - If you don't have any symptoms of thyroid function, go raw! Red cabbage is my favorite, and cole slaw can be a thing of beauty. 

12. Red/Green Leaf Lettuce - As seen in the "Mixed greens" blend. Can you say "Bland"?

11. Escarole - A.K.A. Bigger endive. It's a bit bitter, and not my preference. 

10. Kale - Raw kale totally needs major ribs cut out, it needs to be well-cleaned, and it also is best massaged with a bit of olive oil in order to tenderize it. Fuck that shit. Why would you want to eat a green that's such a diva that you need to MASSAGE IT in order to get it to perform?!? Oh yeah. It'll make you live forever. Eh. Trade off.  

9. Dandelion Greens - Meh. Too bitter. Also, it's just weeds. Why? There's a reason why it's typically served with creamy cheeses, bacon, and egg yolks... it needs extra-fattiness to taste okay. 

8. Mesclun - (A.K.A. Mixed Young Greens) Typically means pre-mixed young greens. Often means arugula, frisee (THE DEVIL!!), radicchio (for color),  and young red/green leaf lettuce leaves. 

7. Radicchio - Bright red and bitter and spicy! It's more for looks than anything. A Radicchio-heavy salad needs a sweeter dressing.

6. Pea Greens - Higher in Vitamin C than like... anything except Strawberries. The shame here is that it doesn't pair super-well with iron rich foods.

5. Butterhead lettuce - (a.k.a. Bibb or Boston) superior to Romaine in texture, Butterhead lettuce leaves tend to be less rigid in consistency, making them work particularly well for lettuce wraps. 

4. Watercress - So high in antioxidants that it actually prevents free radical damage on your body that might take place during exercise. Its tangy flavor lends itself well to use in sandwiches. 

3. Baby Kale - Totally valid salad green selection. These pair well with fruit-driven dressings. Accent with almonds and goat cheese. Unlike it's fully-grown mother, baby kale has a similar nutrient profile, but because of its lack of maturity, no massage required. 

2. Arugula - Peppery and yummy. Doesn't cook well. The lettuce of choice for a BLT. Beats the shit out of romaine any day. 

1. Spinach - Pretty much the best thing ever. Super mild. High in vitamins. It makes an ideal salad, and since there's no flavor sacrifice, trading standard lettuce for nutrient-dense spinach is a clear choice. Also, swap spinach anywhere you might put lettuce. Put it on a burger instead of a generic green leaf. Add it to tacos - it tastes the same. 

Busy Getting Busy... You Know... Or Not.

So it's been a hot minute. Not quite a hot minute, but a little over a month since I've shared any adventures of my time in California. 

There are a few reasons why it's been so long:

1. I was busy doing things so that I'd have interesting things to write about. 
2. I was busy working out. All the time. Six days a week. 
3. My job started expecting more of me, and I became busier than originally anticipated. 

Whatever my terrible excuse, and it truly was nothing short of an excuse, I have a little bit of time to cover in order to update this silly sham of a blog on what I've been up to. 

April ended, I turned a year older, and some family came to visit. 

It was nice.

Shortly afterwards, my friend Sandie and I decided to appear as zombies in Run for Your Lives, the zombie-themed 5k that I originally participated in the previous summer in Pittsburgh. 

We looked awesome. 

We spent a delightful evening in rural Sacramento followed by an even more delightful morning and afternoon chasing runners, being zombie-like, and sweating. It was 98 degrees out. It was totally worth it, we had a good time. And on the way back, we discovered the best sushi in the bay area. I dream about that place. It's nearly an hour away, but I want to go back pretty much every night. 

I crashed my first party! It was a lamb roast. The only weird thing was the tree growing in the shower. But once again, another great time. 

At the tail end of May, I had the busiest Memorial Day weekend ever. Highlights included a trip to beautiful Sonoma...

...which featured one of the most fantastic meals I've had in awhile at a small restaurant called 'Girl and the Fig'...

And a Memorial day spent going to way too many barbecues. More recent adventures included a 1920's-themed party...

And a really lovely trip to explore Chinatown and the annual North Beach Festival...

I've gotten to know a little more about the area, a little more about the city, and I actually like the people that I spend my time with, instead of spending time with them because I don't know anyone else in the area. It's not a large group, but I'm truly appreciative of the people that put up with me here. 

Although some of them are leaving. 

Rachel and Dave, my fantastic first friends here are making their way to Pittsburgh as we speak in order  to make a life in a city with a reasonably-priced housing market (that and the whole exciting new job thing... but... whatever). Those are some folks that I'll definitely miss. Because they understand the Midwestern-y Cleveland-ness that flows through my veins. They understand why grilling is an important fixture of summer, they understand that the best bars are unpretentious, and they both understand and utilize sarcasm. Some of these things are in scarce supply in the area that I'm living now, and I'm worried that this California sunshine and positivity will slowly replace the murky Cuyahoga waters that run through my soul. Losing them to the east sucks, but I think that in Pittsburgh they'll find the happiness that wasn't quite connecting out here. 

Additionally, the previous-entry mentioned friend whose couch I've crashed on, whose fridge I've raided, and whose drunken company I've adored is going to be traveling abroad for several months... but not before asking me to move in (it's not going to happen, but it was sweet of him to ask). 

I'm bummed. I'm just bummed. I know he'll be back soon but I'm stuck here thinking, "There's a person in this state that I'm not related to that loves me enough to want to live me with me... but they're not going to be around until there's snow on the ground back East". He's here until the end of the month... but I guess I'll have to find someone else in the area that considers Drunk Adrienne to be entertaining in the meantime. 

But it's rough. Some of the major people here that ask, "Are you okay?" and mean it are going off to different places. Keeping my spirits up has been hard work, but staying busy helps, and my re-dedication to keep running has done a fantastic job at eating up my free time. This past weekend included my first 9 miler in quite awhile, and shockingly, I didn't feel like complete crap afterwards. 

I know that this writing has been disconnected, sloppy and lacking in style. I promise some better writing on my upcoming vacation. 

Going to go pop a blood blister... running all the time has some interesting side effects. 

Road-Tripping Tips from the Master.

I got this text message recently: “Gonna be a long drive. Any advice, road warrior?”

And I thought yes, yes I do have advice about road tripping. That’s actually a thing I have extensive experience with. A lot of experience. My road-trip was driven by a cross-country move. Yours might be for a vacation, for educational purposes, or to visit family or friends. Any way you swing it, I think I have some insight or best practices from my 3,000 miles on the road.

Traveling alone, although not for the faint of heart, allows you to get started when you feel like it, stop when you feel like it, fart whenever you like without shame, be in complete control of music selection, and allow for uninhibited car-karaoke. Take some of my tips below to optimize your solo road-trip, or keep your buddy road trip in the not-suck-too-much zone.

Route Planning: 

 

1. Know your budget. If you’re on a higher budget, you can afford to be more lenient, and pick places to stay/hotels as you see them. If you’re on a lower budget, you need to plan ahead and carefully scout the areas you’re planning on staying in order to find inexpensive hotel deals (compare prices, and be sure to ask about things like AAA discounts, corporate discounts, and frequent traveler programs. I stayed completely at La Quinta Inns, and by the end of my trip, my rooms were free, and I never paid more than $90/night). 

2. Block off your driving time by picking a lunch/midday location and a dinner/evening location. This’ll give you about 4-5 hours of driving time in the morning and 4-5 hours of driving time in the afternoon. 

3. About 4 hours is about the maximum time you can go without peeing.

4. Any single person driving more than 10 hours a day might quickly go crazy. 

5. Write out your list of midday/evening locations (on paper, with addresses). You can check the driving time between these using Google Maps. 

6. Research tourist attractions and local food specialties for each midday/evening stop. Try to have planned one thing to do/check out everywhere you stop (if you don’t make it to everything/get too tired, no worries!). However, if you see something awesome beside the highway, stop!

7. I planned my route around how much I felt like driving on any given day, and this was a good call. You might add some mileage, but you get to explore more and feel better. 

Gear and Entertainment: 

1. Buy a car phone charger. They tend to be inexpensive (I got mine on Amazon.com). This is particularly important if you’re also using your phone as your GPS. 

2. Figure out in advance how you’re going to listen to outside music/radio. Local stations get weird/unreceptive in small towns, so know in advance if you’re going to an Ipod hookup/XM radio app, and double-check that you’ll be able to comfortably plug everything in (get a car adapter splitter if needed – these are also pretty cheap). 

3. If you’re in for a really long haul, consider a few different sources of media: music, audiobooks, podcasts – different genres. Otherwise the hours blend together and get really trippy. My favorite is ‘This American Life’. NPR records a lot of original content – it sounds dorky, but you get into it. The best rule to stick by is that if you’re driving for 10 hours, you want about 30 hours of potential entertainment. Options feel good. I never had to listen to the same thing twice. 

4. Pack some extra plastic bags in a variety of sizes – trash bags, sandwich bags, freezer bags, shopping bags, etc. Don’t ask, just do it. You’ll be thankful. 

Car Setup:

1. Things to keep within arm’s reach:

Place to put trash

Napkins or paper towels,

Snacks

Sunglasses

Hand sanitizer

A baseball cap

A zip-front sweatshirt or front-button cardigan

Cash in small bills and change.

Water 

2. Road change for tolls: EZPass is awesome where it’s accepted, but otherwise, it’s advisable for every day of driving to have $5 in singles and $3 in quarters. 

3. If there’s any possibility that you’re driving into a sunset or in a high-sun/heat area, you need both sunglasses AND a baseball cap. 

4. To effectively pack a car, first fill up the empty seat-feet wells. Then place large or rigid items first, then fill up empty space with other things.

Snacks and Drinks:

1. If you’re trying to minimize pee breaks, only keep 8 ounces of water or less nearby for any given 4-hour stretch of time (this method means you should aim to drink a lot of extra water at night, otherwise you’ll dehydrate and get headaches).

2. Water bottles with sippy tops are preferable to water bottles with twisty tops. This is a general statement, but it’s a serious preference for road trips, where using two hands to do something is dangerous!

3. You want a variety of snacks and snack types. Honestly? You will get sick of eating junk 24/7. You’ll feel less like self-hatred if you pack some healthy options. 

4. All fruits and veggies need to be pre-washed, and cut up into individual sized pieces. Also, keep these in a cooler or fridgepack. 

5. Food items necessitate the trash can. Be sure to empty this nightly or you will learn the olfactory glories of having a banana peel rot in your car for 3 days in the sun. 

6. Wash your hands with Purell or antibacterial hand gel after eating something sticky. 

7. Single-serving packages are superior to large packs. If you spill a single bag of crackers, could be worse. If you spill a large bag of crackers, you’re in FUCKING CRUMB CITY AND YOU WILL NEVER RECOVER. 

8. If you bring something chocolate or chocolate/yogurt-covered, it will melt and become disgusting and inedible. Limit your chocolate fix to M&M’s, or post-driving treats. Dessert is an excellent opportunity to check out local bakeries. 

9. Snack if you need help staying awake. It’s okay. Just remember that salty/sugary snacks might make you thirsty, so prep for extra bathroom breaks

10. Every morning, take advantage of fast food stops/hotel ice machines – fill a large, widemouth water bottle with ice. Use this to keep fruit/veg cold in the morning, and then use it as a source of cold water in the afternoon. 

Good veggie options: cucumber slices, celery sticks, baby carrots, bell pepper strips

Bad veggie options: whole butternut squash, raw eggplants, corn on the cob

Good fruit options: grapes, berries (stems pre-cut-off), apple slices (drizzle lemon juice on these to keep them looking fresh), bananas, mango cut into sticks

Bad fruit options: oranges, whole pineapple, coconuts

Good protein options: toasted chickpeas, edamame, shelled nuts or seeds, cheese sticks, turkey jerky

Bad protein options: turkey legs, gallon of milk, live cow, peanut butter + spoon

Good carby/salty options: Single-serving chips/snack bags (plantain chips, veggie chips, Popchips, Triscuit), granola bars (Kashi are my favorite), PB&J wrapped in a paper towel & tin foil.

Bad carby/salty options: Microwave popcorn (unless you have a car in your microwave), breakfast cereal (hard to eat), pita & hummus

Good sweet options: Gummy candy (NOT THE KIND COVERED IN THAT AWESOME SOUR SUGAR STUFF. IF YOU SPILL THAT STUFF, YOU WILL NEVER GET IT OUT OF YOUR CAR), pre-packaged brownies/cookies (No Oreos – crumb problem), jelly beans, dried fruit

Bad sweet options: Ice cream, pudding, candy bars, any baked goods not in pre-single-serving-sized packages. 

Tips To Not Feel Like Crap:

1. Every time you stop driving, do 25-50 jumping jacks and then stretch a little. Stretch the body parts that will feel the most repetitive use and joint stress from sitting all day: reach out to the sides and then overhead, return to neutral. Then, move your arms behind your body and try to hold your own hand to stretch your shoulders and chest a bit. With straight legs, reach over to touch your toes, then slowly try bending one knee at a time. Stand up slowly, rounding your back. Raise one knee up towards your chest, then press your knee and leg a few inches to the right and to the left – as far as you feel comfortable going, then rotate your foot in a few circles in each direction. Then do the other knee. (What’s happening here: the jumping jacks warm up your body a bit so that stretching is a little safer, and then you’re stretching out your arms, shoulders, chest, legs, back, hips, and ankles). Stretch every time you stop. Really. Otherwise you’ll get to your final destination at night and feel twice as tired, stiff, and shitty. 

2. Sunscreen any bare skin – face, arms, neck, shoulders, and legs. Otherwise you’ll have a terrible surprise  at the end of the day when you roll the window up and discover that you’ve partially turned into a lobster. Even if the windows are up, the glass will not save you. 

3. This is the time to wear PJ pants, sweatpants, yoga pants, leggings, and gym shorts. Do not wear anything you wouldn’t wear to a Starbucks. Be clothed while driving, but be comfy. 

4. Good driving shoes: no flip flops, no clogs, no heels, no winter boots. Sneakers work well, sandals with some kind of ankle-strap work well, comfy ballet flats work well, and moccasin-type shoes tend to work well.

Car and Auto Maintenance: 

1. Get your vehicle checked out by a mechanic about 1-2 weeks before leaving on your road trip. Do you know how many horror films start with a car breaking down in the woods somewhere strange? The quick-fix: DOUBLE CHECK THAT YOUR CAR WON’T BREAK DOWN.

2. Refill windshield washer fluid before you leave.

3. Refill your gas tank before it hits ¼ full. In Bohunk, NoWheresVille there is only one gas station every 100 miles. Don’t chance it. 

4. At every gas station, clean your windshield. Otherwise, the dead bugs dry out and get hard to remove. 

Safety:

1. If you are traveling alone, make sure at least 2 people know where you are staying every night, and be sure to check in with them regularly. These two people should also know how to contact one another. 

2. Bring pepper spray. Or a taser. If you’re male or female. The only true rule of the road is that there is someone out there bigger and weirder than you are. 

3. Only leave in your car what you don’t mind getting stolen. During the day, every time you leave the car, keep high-value items with you in a small backpack or big purse (Besides wallet, phone, keys… “high-value” includes your: passport, social security card, vehicle title, GPS, and any nice jewelry). Every time you leave your car, hide or remove proof of electronics (shove GPS/Phone mounts or cables into glove compartment). I unpacked my car every night, and repacked it every morning. Things it’s okay to leave in your car: trash can, paper towels, snacks (nothing you need to refrigerate). Call me paranoid, but I like my stuff.

Staying Connected:

1. Know in advance how you’re going to stay in contact with people you might meet on the road. I figured out which e-mail address I was comfortable with sharing and now I have some pretty awkward pen pals. 

2. Tell your friends you won’t be able to answer text messages as consistently on days you’re traveling. Don’t text and drive. 

3. Make voice memos of things you see or think about while you’re driving. When you’ve stopped, take pictures of everything – even dumb things. Share the details with friends. 

4. Know your budget for souvenirs and stick to that. You don’t have to buy something everywhere you stop, unless you’re aiming for those 50-states magnet collection. Buy things that will remind you of a place you stayed or explored that you can also use in everyday life – coffee mugs, apartment decorations, tee-shirts, etc. If you buy random crap, you will end up with random crap. No one likes pencils and you probably don’t need another keychain.

Road tripping is awesome. Everyone should do one at one point during their life.  

On the personal side of things, turns out I don't know what poison oak looks like. Holy fuck I'm dying. Can I scratch my legs off?